Looking for food between someone else's teeth

Early in my independent consulting days, a long-time business owner in my network tried to give me some hard-won advice.

He said:

The bottom is lonely.

The middle is competitive.

The top is collaborative.

The context: I was really struggling in those early days.

Every decision felt like brain surgery

Every email took 3 hours to craft

And every dollar I earned felt like it was won by chasing down 10 gazelles in the Sahara desert.

I'd go out to drinks with friends after work and felt totally disconnected -

Nothing about my life and theirs felt the same.

They were complaining about their bosses

And I was counting my pennies, wishing I had a boss to blame for all my troubles.

It was so lonely.

Then at some point, I leveled up.

I nailed down a few clients and felt like I finally had my feet under me.

In between laser-focusing on client work, I finally made some time to market myself online, which led to other consultants reaching out.

Every single one of them had the same ask: Referrals.

Where was I getting work? Did I ever have too much? Was I ever looking for someone to call when I got out-skilled on a job?

Sure, I said. Then I asked the same in return. And I nearly always got the same response: Crickets.

Awkward smiles, empty promises, wishes to "check back in" or "keep in touch."

All with only one follow-through: Another email asking for work or to "pick my brain".

It frustrated me, honestly. Why were these folks wasting my time?

But looking back, I empathize with them:

They weren't being inconsiderate; They were starving.

And in retrospect, so was I.

And when you're starving, you'll seek out food where ever you can see it

Even if it's between someone else's teeth.

In the past couple years, I felt a shift:

As I moved more away from the Fractional CFO world and into the advising and teaching world, the vibe totally changed.

Suddenly, my peers were no longer my competition: They were my army.

We swapped notes, brought each other in on deals, shouted each other out in public.

Networking calls went from draining to incredibly productive, with everyone leaving better off.

The reason this happened: I went from a market where every client picks one provider (FracCFO)

To a market where clients value multiple providers (Education and brand partnership)

And suddenly, there's plenty to go around.

But here's the other reason I think this happened: I changed my behavior as well.

I stopped getting frustrated by every networking request and began asking myself:

"Wait... who do I dream of collaborating with?"

And then started reaching out to them with valuable ideas

And the wheels started to turn.

All this to say, I think this whole thing goes both ways:

There is a real "feel" to each stage of the business.

You can tell which stage you're in by how it feels around you

AND

Sometimes you can up-level just by changing what you’re inviting.

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